I think the whole thing is brilliant! I must say that although the writing is improved in the up-dated versions, for the most part, I enjoyed the first version pictures more. Either way, well done! It's great!
(I posted this on the other version of this page, as well, modified to match the version I referenced each time - wasn't sure which you would see).
I've just read through the whole piece, and looked at the art of both versions. Smashing job, sir, all around. Please, please, do a Kickstarter for this and your other works, so that we may repay you for your wonderous works, and share them with the next generation and others.
I have a few minor artistic quibbles between which version looks better, though, and I have to say, IMO, this page looks better in this version than in the new one. The vague tendril-like shadows under and beneath the chair, and the blue circle of the floor which defined the space (suggesting a room, and perhaps a pool of light - or shadows), both lent a sinister air. The best part of the previous iteration was the deranged sailor though. I feel the new one lacks detail, in expression and clothing (and hook), and looks like it could just be a crabby child playing dress-up. Still wonderfully rendered, just almost a bit ... bland (not a term I would normally ascribe to your work). Just something to consider when you publish (please, in any format).