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September 26, 2012
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HPL's The Tomb (for beginning readers) - P38-39 by DrFaustusAU HPL's The Tomb (for beginning readers) - P38-39 by DrFaustusAU
H.P. Lovecraft's The Tomb (for beginning readers).

Pages 38-39

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:iconkongregator-01:
kongregator-01 Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2012
The verse feels off because you've split up the lines, i.e. "and STRAIGHT to a DOOR" is on its own line.

The structure of "There was one day" and "when somebody seeking a thrill" feels off.
Suggestion:
"there was ONE sing-le DAY
when a STRANG-er sought THRILL
and acc-OMP-an-ied ME" …
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:iconmad-geo:
Mad-Geo Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2012
Nice work. That dude is out of there!
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