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Submitted: September 25, 2012
Image Size: 1.0 MB
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HPL's The Tomb (for beginning readers) - P36-37by *DrFaustusAU

Traditional Art / Drawings / Illustration / Storybook

H.P. Lovecraft's The Tomb (for beginning readers).

Pages 36-37

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~taelifay Sep 30, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

I REALLY like the verses on this one! Anapestic tetrameter is something that not many people can pull off and you do SO well on SO many of your pages; It's nice to see you taking it back to the books when Dr. Seuss didn't quite use anapestic tetrameter all the time. Without the last syllables in some of your verses I think it would sound rather odd - especially if you don't get to say exactly what you want! Bravo!

*DrFaustusAU Oct 1, 2012

Cheers!

~kongregator-01 Sep 25, 2012

"ab-out WHICH you may WON-der"
"dur-ing LIGHT-ning and THUN-der"
"from MAN in-to MOUSE"
are all breaking the verse structure.
"a storm WOULD trans-form ME"
has bad emphasis; STORM is a usual subject of emphasis, also trans-FORM.

I suggest:
There's a-NOTH-er small CHANGE
where I'm NOT quite the NORM
my new FEEL-ing of DREAD
at the TIME of a STORM

dur-ing STORMS I trans-FORM
from a MAN to a MOUSE
…

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HPL's The Tomb (for beginning readers) - P36-37by *DrFaustusAU

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